Chocolate Chip Cookies: A Primer

I swear I'm not being sponsored by Nestle. I've just had several people ask me about cookies lately.

Chocolate chip cookies will add "baking things" to your be-an-adult arsenal. Baking things is so useful! Friend needs a pick-me-up? Cookies. New neighbors? Cookies. Pot-luck? Cookies. Somebody has a birthday/marriage/baby/graduation/promotion/whatever? Cookies. There is no event that is not improved by cookies. 

Here's the simplest version: Go to the grocery store. Buy Nestle’s semi-sweet chocolate morsels (whatever, they’re just chocolate chips). Make the recipe on the bag. BAM. 

(You may have heard that you need some sort of complicated, closely-guarded secret of a family recipe to make delicious cookies. THIS IS A FALSE LIE. You need only this one, right here.)

But not to fret! If you need more assistance / are really feeling unsure about this whole baking thing, let me guide you. All will be well. 

Okay, so you’ve gotten your chocolate chips (Nestle, semi-sweet). You have the bag with the recipe. But oh no! The bag gets lost or you just don’t want to buy Nestle products. RIGHT HERE on the internet is their cookie recipe. BAM.

Now, obtain the ingredients - buy them, borrow them from a neighbor, raid your friend’s kitchen. Whatever. There are only 9 items, you can definitely handle that. (10 if you want nuts, but who wants those? Seriously, they're expensive. Just leave them out. I always do and nobody has ever complained.) BAM.

Put on an apron. Flour is messy. BAM.

Turn on the oven to 375. (This is what's known as "pre-heating".) BAM.

Now, look at the recipe. First up is what to do with the dry ingredients. Just an fyi, SUGAR DOES NOT COUNT AS A DRY INGREDIENT, because the world is full of confusion and lies. Just accept this; you cannot change it. (Baking teaches you a lot of acceptance.) So get your bowl, get your fork, dump the dry ingredients into said bowl, and use said fork to mix it up. BAM.

(You may have heard many scary things about leveling flour and sifting and all sorts of other nonsense. Ignore that. Just scoop up the flour with your 1-cup measuring cup, shake the excess off the top, and call it a day. If you’re feeling daring, use the same 1-cup to estimate a 1/4 cup.)

Next up is what to do with the wet ingredients. Sometimes people ask me if they need an electric mixer to do this. No, I say. VERY NO. I make these cookies by hand, with a fork for the dry ingredients and a wooden spoon for rest. Don’t have a wooden spoon? Use a metal one, or a spatula, or a butter knife. Or even the fork, if you really want to. 

(You may have heard other things about overmixing and its dire consequences. Ignore that. You can’t overmix these cookies. I promise.)

Soften that butter inna bowl in the microwave. About a minute should do it for two sticks. Brown sugar too hard? Chunk it up with your hands or the fork or the wooden spoon. It won’t get perfectly smooth, but who doesn’t love little surprise sugar lumps? It’s yummy, trust me. BAM.

Mix the wet ingredients in a bowl larger than the bowl that you mixed the dry ingredients in. Why? Because of the next step: dump the dry ingredients into the wet. Mix it up with your trusty spoon. BAM.

Get a pan. Whatever size or shape. Only have a pizza pan? That’s fine, use it. No need to grease the pan. (These cookies have 2 sticks of butter, remember?) Use a spoon/spatula/your hands to plop the cookies on the pan. I usually do 3 rows of 4 cookie plops, but really, do whatever you want. Just remember they will expand when cooked, so don’t put ‘em too close together. Or do, if you want a whole fused sheet o'cookie.

(You may have heard/seen on Pinterest that cookies need to be all the same size and free of any irregularities. Ignore that. Cookies taste good regardless of how they look.)

Bake them. The directions say 9-11 minutes, which is about accurate. The exact length will depend on your oven, the altitude, the whims of the small god of chocolate chip cookies...So here's my #1 pro-tip: TAKE THE COOKIES OUT BEFORE YOU THINK THEY'RE DONE. Not totally oozing, but like, a lil' not-quite-finished. BAM.

And here's the thing. You'll probably mess up the cooking length the first several times you try it. They'll be a little underdone (everybody loves cookie dough) or a little burnt (just scrape off the bottom). That's okay, just accept it. You're learning. Dip 'em in milk or slather them in peanut butter or even just throw them away if they're really bad. Try again. You've got several pans worth of dough, after all.

Repeat until all dough is cooked. Vary cooking times and temperatures if the first (or second or fifth) pan didn't come out how you like. BAM. 

Finally, eat those tasty cookies. You deserve it. 

BAM.

xo,
Devo