Leather jackets and eye contact

Had a impromptu 45 minute  conversation - introvert achievement unlocked! So here's the story.

I have this friend, K. (Yes, K of the long ago post about Enchantment.) K and I do know each other in real life, and have been friends for a remarkably long while now. So we have had face-to-face interactions in the past - but these days, most of our interaction occurs over the internet. We trade favorite pop-culture articles, book recommendations, complain about bad grammar, chat about White Collar. We both like snarky quotes and goofy Twitters (including "awful fantasy" and various language tweet bots). We borrow the other's books by leaving them in the stacks of the library and sending a call number via text. It's an easy-going, text-mediated friendship. And as two introverts, it works out pretty well.

But. BUT. This last week was different.

See, I had this leather jacket, meant to be passed on to somebody it would actually fit. K fit (eheh) the bill. The leave-the-book-in-the-stacks trick wasn't going to work here, though - a leather coat would be rather too conspicuous. So one random "I have a thing, do you want to try it?" text later, and K and I were meeting on the steps of the library for a coat trade.

And then proceeded to have a perfectly pleasant, unplanned, lengthy conversation, ranging on topics from church responsibilities to plans for movie-making. Several things helped these two introverts conversate, I think: 1) Outside - plenty of other things and people to look at, and 2) we were both wearing sunglasses, meaning that pesky social need for eye-contact was effectively negated.

I find making eye-contact when conversing extremely difficult. It takes so much energy and processing power to pay attention to faces that I lose track of a person's words. Faces often give too much information. If I focus, I can mostly look at people when they are talking to me, but it gets ten times more difficult when I am talking to them. How am I supposed to think and process your face at the same time? Badly, most of the time.

E and I have lengthy conversations where we never once look at each other, and have both noted how refreshing it is. I do try to look at people more, get myself up to an at least semi-acceptable extroverted level. But when I get really into something? And really want to think and discuss said something? I need all my brain to do it, and people faces and eyeballs get in the way.

So what's the take-away? Text-based friendship is a thing and sometimes introverts don't look you in the eyes. Don't take it personally.

xo,
Devo